


Love Is A Mystery

by sophia_sol



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexuality, F/M, M/M, Meta, POV Outsider, embarrassing early fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-24
Updated: 2009-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:30:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophia_sol/pseuds/sophia_sol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A somewhat silly university AU wherein the gossip chain tries to figure out what Kirk and Spock are to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Is A Mystery

**Author's Note:**

> (_Warning: This was my first fic, and it shows...._)

James Tiberius Kirk was looking _good_. I sat in the stands happy to just watch him totally trounce the opposition, scoring goal after goal while the other team's players got angrier by obvious degrees. Ah, bliss.

Okay, so maybe I was a little bit obsessed, but really. One look at that guy and anybody would understand. His hair, his mouth, his _eyes_ . . . and a certain undefinable attitude that imbued everything he did with an aura of 'cool'. And it's not like I was stalking him or anything. I didn't do anything creepy like follow him home and watch him through the windows for a whole evening the way I heard that idiot Patricia did. And I didn't put together my class schedule specifically to be in all the same classes as him like Jessica (though really, that was rather clever). And I didn't follow him pathetically around campus offering to carry his books or run his errands the way a lot of the firsties did (not that he ever took them up on the offers, but they lived in hope ). All I did was go religiously to his soccer games and his chess tournaments to watch him from a distance, and ensure I heard every bit of gossip about him. Nothing excessively creepy, right? Right.

Right, well, on that particular day, Jim was totally rocking his soccer game. And I sat there and watched, sitting next to several of the other girls who all did the same not-stalking thing as me. And as we watched, the conversation turned -- of course -- to Jim. And as it often did, we ended up back at one of our longstanding arguments.

See, Jim comes from a really rich family. So if he wanted to, he could totally rent himself his own apartment with no need for a roommate to share the costs. And yet he had a roommate: this really aggravating guy called Spock. Seriously, Spock had _issues_. Nobody liked him. And yet Jim shared a place with him, and acted friendly to him, and everything!

So our usual argument goes like this. Someone insists that Jim and Spock must be doing it, or Jim'd never tolerate that stick-in-the-mud. Someone else agrees and adds that moreover a humorless and fun-impaired guy like Spock would never willingly hang out with Jim unless he was getting something out of it -- "Seriously, can't you just picture his thoughts? 'It is logical to have sex in response to biological urges. There is nobody but Jim who wants to have sex with me, because I am so annoying. Therefore I will do whatever possible to ensure Jim will have sex with me.'" Then someone else will protest that it is perfectly possible for two superficially different guys to find they have something in common and develop a friendship. And then someone will further protest that Jim sure doesn't look like he's gay (whatever 'gay' looks like. . .). And from there it never really goes anywhere useful, just around in circles debating the details of these four basic points.

Out of a desperate hope that I might have a chance with Jim, on most days I was on the side of Jim and Spock being friends, though on occasion a really good argument would sway me to the other side. The more pessimistic girls were all for bringing on the angst, so their default position was that Jim and Spock definitely had a thing going on.

The argument was just getting good that day (did or did not Jim's taste in clothes mark him as being gay, with associated admiration of how well his pants fit him) when the game ended, 4-0 for us. And then when Jim left the field he headed straight for Spock. We all immediately shut up, so we could concentrate more fully on examining their interaction.

Spock and Jim talked very briefly, then Jim grinned and slapped Spock genially on the shoulder. And then Jim moved on to see to his adoring crowds, and Spock, his face expressionless as always, turned and walked away.

We turned back to our conversation then, because watching Jim bask in his glory (though highly enjoyable) did not require our full attention. We soon came to the conclusion that the interaction could be taken to support either view point, of course. Voluntary physical contact! They're gay! -- But Jim does that to a lot of his friends! They're not gay! -- But Spock doesn't ever allow physical contact from anyone else! They're gay! -- But Spock doesn't have any other friends so it's no surprise he doesn't like to be touched by people who don't like him! They're not gay! -- and so forth.

Really, I thought, it'd take us seeing the two of them having sex in front of us before we'd all agree on anything. . . . But I was smart enough not to say that out loud, because inevitably one or two of the less restrained girls would take that as a suggestion, and plant bugs in Jim's apartment or something in hopes of recording something definitive.

Well, eventually we got bored of what we were saying, and dispersed to our respective homes. But I wasn't in the mood for dealing with my housemates that evening, since I was sure none of them would have done any of the chores they'd promised to do. So instead of going back to a sure yelling match, I decided to head out for the evening. It didn't take much thinking to decide where to go, since I didn't want to have to deal with all the celebrating jocks and fans at the more popular spots. So I went to this little out of the way place I liked that I never would have noticed if I didn't already know it existed, from the stories my parents liked to tell about their university days. So I went in and ordered myself a beer and sat down to watch some guys at a pool table. I play a pretty mean game of pool myself, and I recognized the guys playing, and knew they'd let me take on the winner. I looked forward to it.

And then I looked beyond, to the next pool table over, and nearly died of shock. Jim! And Spock! I'd never seen them at the Billy Goat Bridge before. And I'd never seen them playing pool before. And I'd definitely never seen Spock so close to looking relaxed. Okay, it was practically my _duty_ to the girls to find out what was going on here.

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. Okay, so I'd never spoken to Jim (or Spock) before, so they probably wouldn't recognize me as being part of, well, Jim's fanclub. And I knew all the regulars at the Billy Goat and often said hi to new folks. So it'd be perfectly natural for me to go over to them and be friendly and ask after what they were doing there. I took a deep steadying breath, and then followed through with my plan.

Spock immediately lost any semblance of appearing relaxed -- jeez, that guy needed to learn to chill -- but Jim smiled at me, that slow and friendly smile he always directs to pretty girls (and pretty boys too, depending on who you ask) who come his way. Now I'd seen this smile before, but never directed at _me_, so it took a moment before it registered in my mind that Jim was saying something, and in fact answering my question.

Of course, it's not like he answered it in any depth or anything. He just said that he'd heard this was a nice quiet place and that that was what they were wanting this evening. I ventured to suggest that as the star of the soccer team, it might be expected that he join in the festivities, and he just _looked_ at me and said, "Exactly." Ah. So despite his popularity, perhaps he didn't like being the centre of attention? Or maybe he just wanted to celebrate privately with his best friend and/or lover Spock.

Either way, I suddenly realized what a great opportunity I had. I would try to pick him up, and if I succeeded, then it would make my interpretation of Jim and Spock's relationship that much more likely. Unless the two of them were into open relationships or threesomes or something, but I felt that was less likely. So if I succeeded I'd have more ammo for my argument , plus -- plus plus plus, I'd get to sleep with _Jim Kirk himself_! And if I failed, well, maybe Jim'd still let something slip about him and his sexuality.

So I stuck around their table, and chatted and flirted, and when Jim won their game I challenged him in return. It din't take me long to realize that as good as I was, he was better. But I worked hard to keep as close as I could, and when I lost eventually, I at least didn't lose by an embarrassing amount.

By that point Jim and I had gotten pretty deep into conversation, and he was obviously enjoying my company. But right at the point where I was thinking he'd maybe ask me to come home with him, Spock smoothly interjected that it was probably time for the two of them to be getting home, since they both had midterms the next day and if Jim didn't want to fall asleep halfway through then he'd better get at least a couple hours of sleep. Jim looked for a moment like he was going to argue, but he didn't. So he thanked me for a fun game and a good evening, and the two guys left together.

And I was left wondering what the hell to make of that.

* * *

Of course the next day I reported to my friends what had happened. And of course it caused a huge controversy. Some of them were sure it proved that Jim and Spock were sleeping together. Others thought it was just the fun-phobic nature of Spock coming through again, and that was actually what Spock thought, and it wasn't an excuse or anything.

Me, I kinda figured that Spock disapproved of me for some reason and didn't want Jim to get it on with me. But what I couldn't guess was whether he disapproved of me because I was hitting on his boy, or if he disapproved of me for some other reason and just didn't want his friend getting together with a substandard girl. Either way, I couldn't help but respect the guy at least a little for that. But when I told my theory to the girls, it just seemed to make most of them like Spock less, for daring to disapprove of me. Which was rather gratifying to hear, but really I felt I deserved to be disapproved of what with the way I'd insinuated myself into their evening's amusment and left Spock on the sidelines.

I let my mind wander then, while the debate raged on, and pretty soon I'd come to the conclusion that I was going to be spending more of my time at the Billy Goat in hopes of seeing Jim again. What can I say, I'm weak. And obsessed. But you knew that already.

And then, miraculously, the very next time I went to the Billy Goat Jim was there again, lounging by himself in a booth. I, of course, went and joined him and said hi. And then wonder of wonders, the first words out of his mouth were an _apology_ for Spock's rude behaviour the other night, and for the way he'd just acquiesced without argument, but that it was so hard to say no to Spock when he was being all sensible and logical like that. And I nodded and smiled and wondered what I was getting myself into.

By the end of the evening I still wasn't sure. On the surface the two of us were getting along marvelously, laughing and chatting as we had a pool rematch, but I could see a guardedness in his eyes that hadn't been there before. And when I looked back over what we'd talked about I realized that Jim had done an astonishingly good job of getting me to talk all about myself while hardly revealing a bit of personal info in exchange. Hm. He was much better at manipulation than you'd guess from looking at his pretty face.

Yet despite the guardedness and the lack of sharing and the superficiality of it all compared to the last time, things ended exactly how I'd been hoping from the day I first saw Jim: the two of us headed for his place and for his bed.

You can guess I was pretty pleased about getting to have sex with James T. Kirk, and boy was I ever! But when I finally headed back to my place I found that my mind wasn't able to focus on the joys of sex -- it kept on wandering off to try to think of what was going on with him and Spock. Seriously, what was with me? I'd achieved my one great goal in life (well, besides achieving world peace) and here I was not properly appreciating it! I couldn't help feeling like I was perhaps certifiable. I mean, Jim could have been a sex god, he was so amazing, and so considerate besides; basically everything a girl could wish for. So why was I so unable to appreciate what had just happened?

Well, I was so disturbed by the way my thoughts were going that I decided not to share what had happened with the others. Besides, I figured, they'd just get jealous and then hanging out with them would become uncomfortable. It was weird, though, that I didn't get overpowered by any urge to gloat. Apparently I valued their friendship more than I'd thought I did. Apparently I actually _liked_ them and wasn't just using them for gossip. And maybe that shouldn't have been news to me, but somehow it was.

So that made my goal more complicated. How could I figure out what was going on if I didn't have my co-conspirators to brainstorm with? Not a happy thought. All that came to mind was to continue to try to get to know Jim, see if he'd open up a bit, maybe even continue with the sexual relationship, and see what I could discover. And with that plan in mind, meagre as it was, I went to bed.

* * *

The next time I was at the Billy Goat, I got yet another shock. Instead of seeing Jim there, or seeing nothing but the regulars, there sat Spock, looking calm and collected and, well, bored. Then of course he saw me staring, and he raised one eyebrow at me. Oh great. Hurrah for disapproving eyebrows. But I found myself sitting down to join him anyways. Hello, insatiable curiosity, thanks ever so.

Strangely, though, I think that was just what he'd intended, given the direction our conversation immediately went. I guess he'd come to the Billy Goat just to talk to me. And by 'talk to me' I mean 'give me a dressing-down for being nothing but a stalkery Jim-Kirk-fangirl'. Which, as I've already established, isn't quite an accurate description of me. I tried to defend myself, but he had oh so many logical proofs and arguments that I almost found myself believing him. And then with one final word of warning to keep myself and the rest of my crazy friends away from Jim, he stood up and walked out the door. His expression hadn't changed once the whole time.

I sat back. Well, that was certainly a new development, I thought. So was that the action of a jealous-boyfriend type character, or more protective-older-brother? It could still go both ways. I was no further along than before, except now I'd apparently pissed off Spock, who would undoubtedly convince Jim to never speak to me again. This _sucked_.

* * *

My friends were full of news the next day. Apparently Jim'd shown his face at the Cock and Bull, right by campus, where he'd proceeded to flirt methodically with every person in the place. And then when Spock had shown up an hour or two later, Jim'd looked right at him, then took the hand of the latest girl and went out the door with her. By all reports they proceeded to have sex right in the back alley, and then Jim had left her there and gone home with a grumpy look on his face.

Okay, wow. That was quite the story, I had to admit. But what on earth was up with that? I mean, yes, it is in Jim Kirk's nature to flirt with everyting on two legs, but not with quite that singlemindedness. And yes, it is in Jim Kirk's nature to not be hung up about his sexuality and do what he wants when and where he wants, but this particular liaison of his seemed calculated more to piss Spock off than to enjoy himself.

Most of the other girls were convinced this was proof of Jim and Spock's relationship. If he'd slept with that girl to get Spock mad, then that meant it mattered to Spock who Jim slept with, and why would it matter if he wasn't banging Jim himself? QED, they said, satisfied.

So then I couldn't help myself; I just had to share my interactions with Jim and Spock with them, to see what they'd make of it, despite my resolution not to. And just to play devil's advocate and get the argument rolling again, I made sure to emphasize the part of Spock's rejection of me wherein he characterized me as a stalker fangirl. In that statement it seemed to me to be implicit, I said, that if I _weren't_ a stalker fangirl he'd have no issue with Jim sleeping with me. And as I said that, I realized that hey, I believed it myself. Wasn't I just so convincing. So I threw myself even more forcefully into my side of the issue, and had a grand time debating it hotly with the others.

* * *

Over the next several weeks, I didn't ever see Jim or Spock in a one-on-one capacity, only in crowds like at the soccer games. I went to the Billy Goat as often as I could, but didn't see them there again. I was still pretty sure of the conclusion I'd come to, but with no more opportunities to explore the veracity of my opinion I still felt like I needed a definitive answer. Too bad there was none forthcoming. Apparently the fact that my circle of friends had bonded over a common interest in Jim Kirk meant I wasn't to be trusted with Jim. Sigh. Well, at least I'd had that one night with him. . . .

I was just about at the point where I was ready to give up my hope of knowing for sure what was going on. It was midterm season too, so I couldn't go to the Billy Goat too often. But the night after a particularly gruelling stats midterm, I went to the Billy Goat to get my mind off statistics -- and there he was. Jim Kirk, large as life and twice as handsome, sitting there casually as if it were nothing surprising.

He said hey and I returned the greeting and sat down. And I guess my curiosity was rampant on my face, because he just grinned and told me that, smart as Spock is, he doesn't know everything, and he was pretty sure I wasn't a creepy stalker who it'd be unhealthy to know.

I laughed and reassured him that indeed there was nothing to worry about. And he challenged me to another game of pool.

Several hours later I felt well on my way towards considering Jim a friend, and it seemed to me he reciprocated the feeling -- though he was also careful to tell me that he wasn't looking for anything more. By that point I was feeling fairly comfortable with him, and maybe the beer had relaxed my inibitions some, because I couldn't stop myself from asking what exactly was up between him and Spock.

Well! Jim looked to be a bit surprised at my audacity, and no wonder. I quickly apologized, my face burning, and said I withdrew the question. But as they always say, you can't take back words once you've said them, and say them I had.

Jim waved aside my apology though, and after a few moments, he actually began to talk. He told me the whole story. How him and Spock had known each other since them were kids. How they've always stuck up for each other and protected each other and been the closest of friends despite their differences in approaches to life. How it only made sense for two close friends with no long-term romantic relationships to share an apartment and a life, since living alone is such a lonely prospect. How he'd always kinda known there were those rumours but didn't realize quite how pervasive they were. And then, just to make sure it was clear, how he and Spock had absolutely no sexual or romantic interest in each other.

Validation! I was right! Now that I knew for sure the true nature of their relationship, it was easy enough to triangulate the reasons for all their actions. And then I steered the conversation away into less personal topics, feeling I'd snooped enough for one evening.

* * *

Walking home that night, I considered what I had learned, and what would happen were I to share it with my friends. And pretty soon I realized that this would break the group apart if I spilled. We'd no longer have our convenient excuse to get together and hang out. We wouldn't have a fall-back conversation topic. And undoubtedly there would be anger and resentment between the people on the two sides of the argument, forming a possibly irreparable rift in our circle of friends.

So when I saw them the next day, while we were ostensibly studying together, I told them that I'd become friends with Jim Kirk but that I was sworn to secrecy on the subject of his love life. And then I sat back and enjoyed their speculation.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in a fit of affectionate exasperation at the way that although canonically Spock seems to me to be functionally asexual when he's not in pon farr, fanfic authors just LOVE to throw him into sexy situations. And not that I have anything against that -- I've certainly read and enjoyed many fics that do just that -- but I feel like there needs to be a little bit more fic out there that addresses Spock's asexuality.
> 
> Of course, rereading this fic for posting here long after I wrote it, I'm no longer convinced that the Spock I wrote is asexual, so it's up to you how you interpret things.


End file.
